Finding Joy and Laughter After Loss

Even in deep grief, moments of laughter can bring comfort, connection, and healing. Learn how humor helps us cope with the pain of losing a loved one.

Grief is supposed to be somber. That’s what we’re taught. Whispered condolences. Folded hands. Faces that hold back emotion instead of letting it spill. As if sorrow must always be draped in silence, gray and shadow.

But anyone who’s truly lived through the grieving process knows that grief rarely sticks to a script. It’s messy. It’s nonlinear. And, sometimes, unexpectedly, it’s funny.

Stories of grief and laughter are more common than we admit. I read somewhere that there was a woman who burst into laughter while writing her father’s obituary because she accidentally described him as “survived by his favorite pizza toppings.” The childhood friend who cracked a joke at the wake about using a comb and a tissue as a makeshift instrument to include him in the band, only to have it turn into a full-blown laughter, followed by tears.

These moments can feel wrong, like an emotional betrayal. But they’re not. They’re human. They’re part of coping with loss, too.

Why We Laugh in the Middle of Grief

Laughter is a release valve. When pain becomes too sharp, the absurd offers a strange kind of mercy. It reminds us we’re still here, still breathing. Still capable of feeling something besides the crushing weight of what we’ve lost.

It can also bring people together. One well-timed laugh during a moment of silence has the power to shift the energy in a room not by erasing the grief, but by giving it somewhere else to go for a second. A momentary lightness in the dark.

The Emotional Reality of Estate Settlement

No one tells you that settling an estate after death might involve calling financial institution after financial institution, repeating the same line over and over: “I’m calling to find out the next steps in closing his account since my father-in-law recently passed away.” And each time you say it, the words hit a little harder, sinking in deeper. He’s really gone.

There’s something absurd about trying to translate a deeply emotional experience into spreadsheets, notarized forms, and hold music. Grief puts you in two worlds at once: the sacred and the mundane. And both are real.

Laughter and Grief Can Coexist

Laughter doesn’t mean you didn’t love them enough. It means they were part of your real, full, sometimes ridiculous life. It means their memory lives on in the stories that make you smile. It means you’re still capable of joy. And finding joy while grieving isn’t betrayal. That’s survival.

Sometimes, it’s the little things that come back first. Like the NBA rivalry between the Boston Celtics and Golden State Warriors that played out for years over text.

My father-in-law was a die-hard Celtics fan. I’m a die-hard Warriors fan. For years we went back and forth, teasing each other whenever one of our teams lost, sometimes even mid-game, just to get under the other’s skin. He once sent a video decked out in Celtics gear, celebrating when the Warriors were down 2–1 in the 2022 NBA Finals. When the Warriors came back to win the championship, I made sure to return the favor.

Eventually, even my kids got in on it. They knew which team was ours and which one was his, and they loved joking with Grandpa during Warriors-Celtics games. It became a shared bit of joy across generations. Light-hearted jabs, playful loyalty, and laughter woven into the rhythm of the NBA basketball season and our grieving journey.

Now, every time I see a Warriors-Celtics score, I still feel the urge to reach for my phone. To gloat, or to brace for the comeback that won’t come. And in that small, strange silence, I miss him.

That kind of playful banter? That’s grief, too. It’s the ache of the empty thread in your messages. The way joy and longing can show up in the exact same moment.

Grief Doesn’t Follow a Script

There’s no right way to grieve. There’s only your way. Your weird, winding, heart-wrenching, sometimes hilarious way.

So if you find yourself laughing when you expected to cry, or crying because you laughed too hard, let it happen. Let all of it happen.

Grief is unpredictable, but even in the mess, it can offer surprising moments of connection, laughter, and love.